Satir's Stress Responders
Explanations > Personality > Satir's Stress Responders
Placater | Blamer | Computer | Distracter | Leveler | So what?
Family therapist Virginia Satir identified five personality types in situations of stress.
Placater
The Placater is first of all concerned about how they will be perceived. Their center of attention is on themselves and particularly on their perception of how others see them.
Their response to stress is largely to avoid it. If there are any 'uncomfortable truths', then they will generally try to avoid talking about them (and may in fact go to extraordinary lengths to avoid any such confrontation).
Blamer
The Blamer feels powerless and uncared-for. All alone in the world, they feel that nobody will ever do anything for them.
When they feel stressed, their feelings of isolation increase further. As a result, they compensate by trying to take charge, bluffing their way out, hiding their aloneness in attempted leadership.
Computer
The Computer feels exposed when showing emotions, perhaps because they have difficulty controlling them or they may have been criticized as a child for showing emotion. Men, in particular, tend to be Computers.
To avoid having to confront emotion, when faced with stress, the Computer resorts to logic, becoming super-rational about the situation and working hard to appear super-cool on the outside (although they may be churning like mad on the inside).
Distracter
The Distracter easily becomes confused by stressful situations. Instead of taking some positive action, they are not sure what they should do and so grasp at straws.
In practice, they may well respond to the stress by shifting between the three previous types of Placater, Blamer and Computer. In doing so, they are trying in vain to find some solace in different practices.
Leveller
The ideal respondent to stress accepts it as normal. They are comfortable with ambiguous and uncertain situations and even engage with threats rather than fighting them or running away.
They thus 'tell it as it is', without exaggerating or minimizing the situation. They are comfortable with their own feelings and are able to discuss them.
So what?
So when confronted with stress, know your own situation and seek to become a Leveller.
When working with other people, spot their stress response and react accordingly.
See also
Stress, Satir's Five Positions
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Five Speaking Positions
Techniques > Using Body Language > Satir's Five Positions
Placater | Blamer | Computer | Distracter | Leveler | See also
These are body language positions that convey the emotions of Virginia Satirs Stress Responders and are particularly useful for people speaking. They may be used not just to express stress but also in speaking with others to elicit particular resonses.
1. Placater
This conveys a request for them to stay calm and may be used in such situations as giving them bad news or asking them for something. It says 'please don't be upset or take offense'.
Body position
Palms facing up in supplication.
Body facing directly towards others, with shoulders and hips level and heels below the shoulders so the legs are slightly apart, with the feet facing forward. Feet and whole body facing forward.
Head vertical or slightly tilted with eyebrows slightly raised as a question or raised only in the middle as in pleading.
2. Blamer
The blamer points out problems or issues that the other person has. It says 'you're in trouble'. Maybe it is from you, but often it can be from other situations or people.
Body position
Body square on and leaning forward slightly.
Finger on one hand raised. Pointing directly at them for strong effect (this is an attack) or at the ceiling (this is a warning of attack).
Head slightly down with eyebrows lowered slightly.
3. Computer
The computer is thinking or evaluating, often held back in a reserved or protective way. It says 'I am considering carefully what you say'. It is useful when someone questions you. It sets the frame as logical and considering.
Body position
Body square on, though possibly also back a little, possibly resting on rear leg.
Arms often crossed, possibly with with one supporting the other, which is under the chin (propping up head whilst thinking).
Head level with eyebrows slightly in (thinking).
4. Distracter
This sets the mood as humorous and fun-seeking. It is useful for distracting from difficult situations.
Body language
Body at various angles, uneven.
Smiling, possibly wryly and with one eyebrow raised (if you can do this!).
5. Leveller
The Leveler position conveys credibility, honesty. It says 'I am comfortable and relaxed because I have nothing to hide. This is a typical speaking position.
Body position
Palms facing downward, fingers out flat, as if resting on a table, slightly wider than the body.
Body facing directly towards others, with shoulders and hips level and heels below the shoulders so the legs are slightly apart, with the feet facing forward. Feet and whole body facing forward.
Head vertical, with relaxed face and even eyebrows.
See also
Satir's Stress Responders
Techniques > Using Body Language > Satir's Five Positions
Placater | Blamer | Computer | Distracter | Leveler | See also
These are body language positions that convey the emotions of Virginia Satirs Stress Responders and are particularly useful for people speaking. They may be used not just to express stress but also in speaking with others to elicit particular resonses.
1. Placater
This conveys a request for them to stay calm and may be used in such situations as giving them bad news or asking them for something. It says 'please don't be upset or take offense'.
Body position
Palms facing up in supplication.
Body facing directly towards others, with shoulders and hips level and heels below the shoulders so the legs are slightly apart, with the feet facing forward. Feet and whole body facing forward.
Head vertical or slightly tilted with eyebrows slightly raised as a question or raised only in the middle as in pleading.
2. Blamer
The blamer points out problems or issues that the other person has. It says 'you're in trouble'. Maybe it is from you, but often it can be from other situations or people.
Body position
Body square on and leaning forward slightly.
Finger on one hand raised. Pointing directly at them for strong effect (this is an attack) or at the ceiling (this is a warning of attack).
Head slightly down with eyebrows lowered slightly.
3. Computer
The computer is thinking or evaluating, often held back in a reserved or protective way. It says 'I am considering carefully what you say'. It is useful when someone questions you. It sets the frame as logical and considering.
Body position
Body square on, though possibly also back a little, possibly resting on rear leg.
Arms often crossed, possibly with with one supporting the other, which is under the chin (propping up head whilst thinking).
Head level with eyebrows slightly in (thinking).
4. Distracter
This sets the mood as humorous and fun-seeking. It is useful for distracting from difficult situations.
Body language
Body at various angles, uneven.
Smiling, possibly wryly and with one eyebrow raised (if you can do this!).
5. Leveller
The Leveler position conveys credibility, honesty. It says 'I am comfortable and relaxed because I have nothing to hide. This is a typical speaking position.
Body position
Palms facing downward, fingers out flat, as if resting on a table, slightly wider than the body.
Body facing directly towards others, with shoulders and hips level and heels below the shoulders so the legs are slightly apart, with the feet facing forward. Feet and whole body facing forward.
Head vertical, with relaxed face and even eyebrows.
See also
Satir's Stress Responders
Emphasis in body language
What Hitler Did To Look Powerful and Persausive
Using Powerful Big Gestures and Emphasis at the Bottom of the Post
Techniques > Using body language > Emphasis in body language
You can amplify the words you emphasize with your body. In fact you probably do without noticing it. A slight nodding of the head. The beating of an outstretched finger. The thrust of an entire body.
TV presenters are interesting in how they create emphasis. They know that only their heads are in view, so they twist, turn and nod their heads far more than you or I.
When emphasizing in two places, with the voice and with the body, beware of mixed messages. This includes emphasis from one whilst the other remains flat or stationary. If I say 'That's really great!" whilst standing rigidly to attention, you may be forgiven for concluding that I was not that enthused.
Basic rules
The basic rules of using your body to emphasize are to synchronize and exaggerate:
Synchronize
To make emphasis count, it must all act together. Words and intonation, as well as all the bits of your body you are using to support the emphasis. Imagine it as playing in an orchestra - you need to get the whole lot playing in tune, otherwise all you have is a cacophony that communicates very little.
Exaggerate
When you want to emphasize, do thing bigger. Move such as an arm further and faster. Move the whole body with the arm. Include facial expressions.
Big emphasis
Use big emphasis when you want to overtly show your energy and passion about a point. You are not trying to hide your light under a bushel here: the goal is to overpower the other person with the force of your point.
Your words should also synchronize with big emphasis, using power words, spoken more loudly with energy and passion. The other person should be under no illusion: this is a very important point.
Big emphasis is particularly useful if you are on a stage and need to communicate with those in the back.
Do remember also that it can be intimidating, which is more about coercion, where although you may gain short-term conformance, you may also get longer-term hatred.
Big movements
For big emphasis, make big movements.
Exaggerate arm movements, making wide sweeps.
Nod or shake your head.
Point with an outstretched arm.
Move about the stage.
Create contrast, sometimes not moving, then moving suddenly.
Simulated aggression
Big emphasis often (but not always) uses simulated aggression, such as:
Beating of an arm down in time with the points you are making.
Pounding of a fist on the table or into palm of the other hand.
Throwing the body forward (not actually, though - this is simulation, so use more of an 'exaggerated lean').
Stamping of a foot.
Exaggerated facial expressions.
Sudden movement.
Connection
In a less hazardous form than simulated aggression, you can use methods of connecting with the person to connect the idea more firmly to them.
Move towards them when making important points.
Reach out towards them, palms curved and up or towards one another, as if giving them something.
Touch them (if you are close and the social situation permits). Lightly touch their hand or arm. Hold both shoulders.
Use a simulated embrace, curving your arms with palms inwards as if hugging them.
Make unblinking eye contact, gazing directly at them (particularly transitioning from no eye contact).
Use 'doe eyes' or other romantic indicators to connect passion for the idea with passion for the person.
Repetition
Repeated moves are like blows to the body. A boxer can win with a big knockout blow or, more likely, with repeated blows that wear the other person down. The same effect is created with big emphasis.
Rhythmic action also taps into primitive senses and can create an almost hypnotic effect.
Subtle emphasis
Big emphasis is not always appropriate and, done well, subtle emphasis can be a far more effective approach, especially in one-to-one situations. To do this well, it often helps if you are in a relaxed frame of mind and 'think small and delicate' as if big emphasis would hurt or damage the other person.
Small movements
For subtle emphasis with your body, do movement in the small, including:
Turns of the wrist.
Finger movement.
Slight inclines of the head.
Subtle facial expressions (the face is well-built for doing this).
Shaped movement
You can also do subtlety through the static shapes into which you put your body, for example:
Cupped palm, as if holding something delicate.
Rounded arms, as if embracing the other person.
Pointing feet, legs or arms in a particular direction.
Light contact
Connect with them gently, ensuring they are listening. For example:
Make brief eye contact, as if checking that they are paying attention.
Look in their direction, for example scanning a crowd.
Move or lean a little towards them.
Nod, to encourage agreement (and hence prior thought).
Move your hands a little towards them, as if wanting to give something or reach out to them.
See also
Emphasis, Harmony principle, Amplification principle, Intensifiers, Emphasis in writing
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What Hitler Did To Look Powerful and Persausive
Using Powerful Big Gestures and Emphasis at the Bottom of the Post
Techniques > Using body language > Emphasis in body language
You can amplify the words you emphasize with your body. In fact you probably do without noticing it. A slight nodding of the head. The beating of an outstretched finger. The thrust of an entire body.
TV presenters are interesting in how they create emphasis. They know that only their heads are in view, so they twist, turn and nod their heads far more than you or I.
When emphasizing in two places, with the voice and with the body, beware of mixed messages. This includes emphasis from one whilst the other remains flat or stationary. If I say 'That's really great!" whilst standing rigidly to attention, you may be forgiven for concluding that I was not that enthused.
Basic rules
The basic rules of using your body to emphasize are to synchronize and exaggerate:
Synchronize
To make emphasis count, it must all act together. Words and intonation, as well as all the bits of your body you are using to support the emphasis. Imagine it as playing in an orchestra - you need to get the whole lot playing in tune, otherwise all you have is a cacophony that communicates very little.
Exaggerate
When you want to emphasize, do thing bigger. Move such as an arm further and faster. Move the whole body with the arm. Include facial expressions.
Big emphasis
Use big emphasis when you want to overtly show your energy and passion about a point. You are not trying to hide your light under a bushel here: the goal is to overpower the other person with the force of your point.
Your words should also synchronize with big emphasis, using power words, spoken more loudly with energy and passion. The other person should be under no illusion: this is a very important point.
Big emphasis is particularly useful if you are on a stage and need to communicate with those in the back.
Do remember also that it can be intimidating, which is more about coercion, where although you may gain short-term conformance, you may also get longer-term hatred.
Big movements
For big emphasis, make big movements.
Exaggerate arm movements, making wide sweeps.
Nod or shake your head.
Point with an outstretched arm.
Move about the stage.
Create contrast, sometimes not moving, then moving suddenly.
Simulated aggression
Big emphasis often (but not always) uses simulated aggression, such as:
Beating of an arm down in time with the points you are making.
Pounding of a fist on the table or into palm of the other hand.
Throwing the body forward (not actually, though - this is simulation, so use more of an 'exaggerated lean').
Stamping of a foot.
Exaggerated facial expressions.
Sudden movement.
Connection
In a less hazardous form than simulated aggression, you can use methods of connecting with the person to connect the idea more firmly to them.
Move towards them when making important points.
Reach out towards them, palms curved and up or towards one another, as if giving them something.
Touch them (if you are close and the social situation permits). Lightly touch their hand or arm. Hold both shoulders.
Use a simulated embrace, curving your arms with palms inwards as if hugging them.
Make unblinking eye contact, gazing directly at them (particularly transitioning from no eye contact).
Use 'doe eyes' or other romantic indicators to connect passion for the idea with passion for the person.
Repetition
Repeated moves are like blows to the body. A boxer can win with a big knockout blow or, more likely, with repeated blows that wear the other person down. The same effect is created with big emphasis.
Rhythmic action also taps into primitive senses and can create an almost hypnotic effect.
Subtle emphasis
Big emphasis is not always appropriate and, done well, subtle emphasis can be a far more effective approach, especially in one-to-one situations. To do this well, it often helps if you are in a relaxed frame of mind and 'think small and delicate' as if big emphasis would hurt or damage the other person.
Small movements
For subtle emphasis with your body, do movement in the small, including:
Turns of the wrist.
Finger movement.
Slight inclines of the head.
Subtle facial expressions (the face is well-built for doing this).
Shaped movement
You can also do subtlety through the static shapes into which you put your body, for example:
Cupped palm, as if holding something delicate.
Rounded arms, as if embracing the other person.
Pointing feet, legs or arms in a particular direction.
Light contact
Connect with them gently, ensuring they are listening. For example:
Make brief eye contact, as if checking that they are paying attention.
Look in their direction, for example scanning a crowd.
Move or lean a little towards them.
Nod, to encourage agreement (and hence prior thought).
Move your hands a little towards them, as if wanting to give something or reach out to them.
See also
Emphasis, Harmony principle, Amplification principle, Intensifiers, Emphasis in writing
Hire Dave
Now, you can buy
the real book!
Look inside
Add/share/save
this page:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Save the rain
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How to Remember Something or How to Make Information Memorable.
What makes something memorable. In my presentation skills class I share the imporatance of making something novel and unique. Taylor & Fiske, (1978) indicated that attention is usually captured by salient, novel, surprising, or distinctive stimuli. These may be used to enhance the von Restorff effect.
Here is another memory enhancing effect.
"Von Restorff Effect
Explanations - Memory - Von Restorff Effect
Description
We remember things that stand out.
Example
Try to remember this list (take a few seconds and then look away):
Jump
Cut
Run
Fly
Duck-billed platypus
Read
Build
Lay
The chance is that you will easily remember 'duck-billed platypus', because it stands out by being a noun, physically longer, italic and red. This is an extreme example, but it does highlight the effect. When the item in question stands out less, the likelihood of it being remembered also decreases.
Discussion
The Von Restorff effect was identified by Hedwig von Restorff in 1933. She conducted a set of memory experiments around isolated and distinctive items, concluding that an isolated item, in a list of otherwise similar items, would be better remembered than an item in the same relative position in a list where all items were similar.
There can also be a reverse effect here. You remember the unique item, but the attention that it grabs from you is removed from other items -- thus you may in fact remember less overall.
Hedwig's work relates to Gestalt, where she related it to the Figure and Ground principles.
In the 'attention age', when the plethora of media around us is constantly battling for a moment of our time, advertisers make much use of this principle, each vying with the other to stand out from the crowd and hence be remembered by the target audience.
The Von Restorff effect is also called the Isolation Effect or the Distinctiveness Principle (Nelson, 1979). The same principle has also been described as prominence effects (Gardner, 1983) environmental salience effects (Taylor & Fiske, 1978), and novel popout effect (Johnson, Hawley, Plewe, Elliott, & De Witt, 1990).
So what?
If you want people to remember something, make it stand out. You can be very creative in this.
See also
What makes something memorable. In my presentation skills class I share the imporatance of making something novel and unique. Taylor & Fiske, (1978) indicated that attention is usually captured by salient, novel, surprising, or distinctive stimuli. These may be used to enhance the von Restorff effect.
Here is another memory enhancing effect.
"Von Restorff Effect
Explanations - Memory - Von Restorff Effect
Description
We remember things that stand out.
Example
Try to remember this list (take a few seconds and then look away):
Jump
Cut
Run
Fly
Duck-billed platypus
Read
Build
Lay
The chance is that you will easily remember 'duck-billed platypus', because it stands out by being a noun, physically longer, italic and red. This is an extreme example, but it does highlight the effect. When the item in question stands out less, the likelihood of it being remembered also decreases.
Discussion
The Von Restorff effect was identified by Hedwig von Restorff in 1933. She conducted a set of memory experiments around isolated and distinctive items, concluding that an isolated item, in a list of otherwise similar items, would be better remembered than an item in the same relative position in a list where all items were similar.
There can also be a reverse effect here. You remember the unique item, but the attention that it grabs from you is removed from other items -- thus you may in fact remember less overall.
Hedwig's work relates to Gestalt, where she related it to the Figure and Ground principles.
In the 'attention age', when the plethora of media around us is constantly battling for a moment of our time, advertisers make much use of this principle, each vying with the other to stand out from the crowd and hence be remembered by the target audience.
The Von Restorff effect is also called the Isolation Effect or the Distinctiveness Principle (Nelson, 1979). The same principle has also been described as prominence effects (Gardner, 1983) environmental salience effects (Taylor & Fiske, 1978), and novel popout effect (Johnson, Hawley, Plewe, Elliott, & De Witt, 1990).
So what?
If you want people to remember something, make it stand out. You can be very creative in this.
See also
Tuesday, March 08, 2011
I met my best friend Roy at summer orientation before our freshman year of college. I looked across the room saw this big six four Nordic blond as he turned and smiled at me and said, "There is my lifes best friend." We were so close, our friends thought we were twins. The relationship was so strong, but completely platonic. When I was in my Doctoral program and Roy was working as a social worker, Roy Invited me to Visit. As we walked around the Park told me he had AIDS. As he got sicker we each made a promise. He was done to 75 pound, in horrible pain and was being fed by a portable drip. I at Five feet one could carry him around his apartment. He wanted to unplug he IV's that fed him when it got really bad. He talked me through his plan. I promised not to let the doctors revive him if I found him. I asked him to promise me to tell me goodbye before he left. I worked as a temp receptionist in Atlanta because I didn't want to be on the road traveling with Roy so ill, but I was offered a two week job out of town at a time I desperately needed money. On my visit with Roy before I left town, we talked and I helped lift him to go to the bathroom. and I laid at the foot of his bed we talked. He was so frail and gaunt and I knew he was ready to go and that in some part he was holding on for me. I left him a letter saying I knew he was holding on and I knew he didn't want to leave me, but if he was in too much pain it was OK, I loved him. While I was gone he pulled out his IVs. My time away, niether he nor his roomate mentioned he was dying. That kindness was very much Roy. When he was finally taken to the hospital. His family, who didn't even know he was sick, came to the hospital and I told them his wish so they would not go overboard with reviving him. He came out of the coma and said goodbye. I kept my promise.
Monday, January 17, 2011
With the snow last week, what could have been a stressful trip to speak in California turned into a wonderful adventure.
My friend Charlie snuck through police barricades on North Decatur and drove down scary iced over roads to pick me up early Thursday Morning. Then he managed to get through two more police barricades on iced over North Druid Hills to get us on 285. They had two lanes out of six open and guess what? There wasn’t any traffic!!! We should have taken pictures.
I got a flight out and stayed at a fantastic hotel called The Palace in San Francisco.
I had a wonderful meal at the Pied piper restaurant at the Palace hotel last Thursday evening and met a interesting guy who does training internationally and owns a coffee house in San Francisco. He was leaving for China this week. (I just read a very insightful article on China in “The Week” It discussed the coming storm as the country pollutes its water, has more elderly people than works, has have increased need for goods throughout the world. )
Later I spoke to a gentleman from Malaysia. He shared with me that he is part Indian part Chinese and was raised in a big house with floor to ceiling books in the library that sounded like the library at the Biltmore. At 14 he left Malaysia for London and was accepted immediately into to college. He went on from there to law school at Cambridge and then worked in international banking. He rides his bike or the bus everyday to his current job as a house council for a Bank. That fact alone impressed me!
He talked about the chain of restaurants in China he just opened with his partners. The Chinese love cheese and California wine. Who knew We also all shared favorite books. I have to but “Eleanor and Franklin” on my list. I told them about the novel I was reading by humorous British author David Nicholls “A Question of Attraction.” (He reminds me of author of “About a Boy” Nick Hornsby”
For the main course I had the vegetarian pasta with spiral macaroni pasta, mushrooms, parsley with truffle oil and a dollop of sour cream on top. It was wonderful. I have tasted a lot of pasta. This was a truly unique dish!
Then I had the dessert of chocolate peppermint cake. It was served on a beautiful long clear glass rectangle plate with pink ice-cream and raspberry sauce. It was so lovely, I even took a picture of the plating that I will send. The next day I had breakfast in the hotel court. Check out the link for Photos it is a extremely impressive hotel. Make sure you click to the court photos. It has this enormous glass ceiling like a garden conservatory in a Victorian home. In fact the restaurants and lobby where gorgeous!
Http://www.sfpalacerestaurants.com/pied-piper
My friend Charlie snuck through police barricades on North Decatur and drove down scary iced over roads to pick me up early Thursday Morning. Then he managed to get through two more police barricades on iced over North Druid Hills to get us on 285. They had two lanes out of six open and guess what? There wasn’t any traffic!!! We should have taken pictures.
I got a flight out and stayed at a fantastic hotel called The Palace in San Francisco.
I had a wonderful meal at the Pied piper restaurant at the Palace hotel last Thursday evening and met a interesting guy who does training internationally and owns a coffee house in San Francisco. He was leaving for China this week. (I just read a very insightful article on China in “The Week” It discussed the coming storm as the country pollutes its water, has more elderly people than works, has have increased need for goods throughout the world. )
Later I spoke to a gentleman from Malaysia. He shared with me that he is part Indian part Chinese and was raised in a big house with floor to ceiling books in the library that sounded like the library at the Biltmore. At 14 he left Malaysia for London and was accepted immediately into to college. He went on from there to law school at Cambridge and then worked in international banking. He rides his bike or the bus everyday to his current job as a house council for a Bank. That fact alone impressed me!
He talked about the chain of restaurants in China he just opened with his partners. The Chinese love cheese and California wine. Who knew We also all shared favorite books. I have to but “Eleanor and Franklin” on my list. I told them about the novel I was reading by humorous British author David Nicholls “A Question of Attraction.” (He reminds me of author of “About a Boy” Nick Hornsby”
For the main course I had the vegetarian pasta with spiral macaroni pasta, mushrooms, parsley with truffle oil and a dollop of sour cream on top. It was wonderful. I have tasted a lot of pasta. This was a truly unique dish!
Then I had the dessert of chocolate peppermint cake. It was served on a beautiful long clear glass rectangle plate with pink ice-cream and raspberry sauce. It was so lovely, I even took a picture of the plating that I will send. The next day I had breakfast in the hotel court. Check out the link for Photos it is a extremely impressive hotel. Make sure you click to the court photos. It has this enormous glass ceiling like a garden conservatory in a Victorian home. In fact the restaurants and lobby where gorgeous!
Http://www.sfpalacerestaurants.com/pied-piper
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