At meeting of the minds last week I asked each member of the group to share their opinion on a story in the news about a husband who shot his wife of 75 years. His daughter called it a mercy killing as his wife had Alzheimer's, couldn't sit up talk, feed or take care of herself or recognize anyone. The story brought up a talk on Euthanasia, a topic we have discussed frequently. It reminded me of a promise I made my best friend many years ago when he was dying.

Keeping promises. Based on the above, what do you have to offer? Give me a
brief pitch below.

Answer: I met my best friend Roy at summer orientation before our freshman year of college. I looked across the room saw this big six four Nordic blond as he turned and smiled at me and said, "There is my life's best friend." We were so close, our friends thought we were twins. The relationship was so strong, but completely platonic. When I was in my Doctoral program and Roy was working as a social worker, Roy Invited me to Visit. and as we walked around the Park told me he had AIDS.

Less than a year later, as he got sicker we each made a promise. He wanted to die easily and perhaps even commit suicide if it got really bad. He promised me he would tell me before he did it so we could say goodbye. He didn't want me to help him, but I said I would if he needed me. I promised that I would not tell his family that he was sick and that when he was ready to go that I would not let the doctors use extreme measures to save him.

As he got sicker, one of his illnesses made swallowing horribly painful. His weight when down to 75 pounds and his hair fell out, his cheeks caved in, his skin so thin and blueish, hung on his bones, he looked like an elderly man at Auswitch, and he was ready to be set free from his prison. I, at five feet one, could now carry him. He had a shunt to his heart for the IV hooked up to him 24/7. We teased that the food drip was easier than the Wendy's drive through and named the drip a burger and frosty with fries. He wanted to unplug the IVs when it got really bad. He talked me through his plan. I knew that he had chosen not to live with me, because he didn't want to be a burden and didn't want me to find him near death and call the ambulance. Instead, when he wasn't in one of his many long stays at the hospital he was living in a Aid Atlanta subsidized apartment.
I had turned down speaking engagements out of town, because I had been afraid leave him and perhaps loose him, while I was gone. As he got sicker and sicker But this conversation and promise made me realize he was ready to let go. When I did accept a week long training class out of town he pulled out his IVs. His family, who didn't even know he was sick, came to Atlanta and surrounded him at the hospital. I told them his wish so they would not go overboard with reviving him. He came out of the coma and said goodbye. I kept my promise.


Question 2: What is your experience with this topic?

Answer: I am a body language and relationship and an author of several books on communication www.Pattiwood.net


Question 3: Did making this promise change your life in a positive way?
What about the lives of others?

Answer: It was extreemly hard. It made me strong at a very young age. (We were both in our 20's. I realized the value of life.


Question 4: Do you feel the promise was helpful in motivating you to
keep your word and reach this goal?

Answer: I would have done anything to help him. He was in so much pain. But saying to his doctor and his famiy the promise I made gave them strength.


Question 5: Did making this promise help you overcome excuses for not
following through or periods of doubt and indecision?
Generally describe why you think the promise was helpful to
you in reaching this goal.

Answer: Because he requested the promise with the aboslute certaintly I would keep it. He knew I kept my promises. My commitment was already there. I made me realize that he belived in my strenght to keep the promise for him.

Question 6: Would you have achieved this goal or done this particular
thing if you had NOT made this promise?

Answer: I think I could, but I am not sure the Doctor and the family would have wanted to. Even though I had been with him for his last year.


Last Question: Anything else you`d like to add?

Answer: It is a hard promise. Now people have living wills. I would
recommend they put it in writing. If I hadn't had such an
amazing freindship it would have been even more difficult.