"There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."
-- Ben Williams
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Here are free funny lines from my friend Jeff Justices website.
Jeff Teaches an awesome stand up comedy class
14 Ways To Know If You've Been in Corporate America Too Long
1. You ask the waiter what the restaurant's core competencies are.
2. You decide to re-org your family into a "team-based organization."
3. You refer to dating as test marketing.
4. You can spell "paradigm."
5. You actually know what a paradigm is.
6. You understand your airline's fare structure.
7. You write executive summaries on your love letters.
8. Your Valentine's Day cards have bullet points.
9. You think that it's actually efficient to write a ten-page presentation with six
other people you don't know.
10. You celebrate your wedding anniversary by conducting a performance review.
11. You believe you never have any problems in your life, just "issues" and
"improvement opportunities."
12. You explain to your bank manager that you prefer to think of yourself as
"highly leveraged" as opposed to "in debt."
13. You end every argument by saying "let's talk about this off-line."
14. You give constructive feedback to your dog.
Jeff Teaches an awesome stand up comedy class
14 Ways To Know If You've Been in Corporate America Too Long
1. You ask the waiter what the restaurant's core competencies are.
2. You decide to re-org your family into a "team-based organization."
3. You refer to dating as test marketing.
4. You can spell "paradigm."
5. You actually know what a paradigm is.
6. You understand your airline's fare structure.
7. You write executive summaries on your love letters.
8. Your Valentine's Day cards have bullet points.
9. You think that it's actually efficient to write a ten-page presentation with six
other people you don't know.
10. You celebrate your wedding anniversary by conducting a performance review.
11. You believe you never have any problems in your life, just "issues" and
"improvement opportunities."
12. You explain to your bank manager that you prefer to think of yourself as
"highly leveraged" as opposed to "in debt."
13. You end every argument by saying "let's talk about this off-line."
14. You give constructive feedback to your dog.
Friday, August 06, 2010
The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks
Matterhorn
The Big Short
The Imperfectionists
›
See all of the top 10
Fiction
Ship Breaker
The Hand That First Held Mine
Where the God of Love Hangs Out
Rock Paper Tiger
›
See more fiction picks
Nonfiction
The Possessed
Operation Mincemeat
Medium Raw
WAR
›
See more nonfiction picks
Kids and Teens
The Dark Days of Hamburger Halpin
Cosmic
Will Grayson, Will Grayson
The Quiet Book
›
See more picks for kids and teens
More to Explore
Best of 2010... So Far in Movies & TV
Best of 2010... So Far in Music
Best Books of August
Summer Reading
This looks like a good book
book recommendations
Tom Rachman on The Imperfectionists
I grew up in peaceful Vancouver with two psychologists for parents, a sister with whom I squabbled in the obligatory ways, and an adorably dim-witted spaniel whose leg waggled when I tickled his belly. Not the stuff of literature, it seemed to me.
During university, I had developed a passion for reading: essays by George Orwell, short stories by Isaac Bashevis Singer, novels by Tolstoy. By graduation, books had shoved aside all other contenders. A writer--perhaps I could become one of those.
There was a slight problem: my life to date.
By 22, I hadn't engaged in a bullfight. I'd not kept a mistress or been kept by one. I'd never been stabbed in a street brawl. I'd not been mistreated by my parents, or addicted to anything sordid. I'd never fought a duel to the death with anyone.
It was time to remedy this. Or parts of it, anyway. I would see the world, read, write, and pay my bills in the process. My plan was to join the press corps, to become a foreign correspondent, to emerge on the other side with handsome scars, mussed hair, and a novel.
Years passed. I worked as an editor at the Associated Press in New York, venturing briefly to South Asia to report on war (from a very safe distance; I was never brave). Next, I was dispatched to Rome, where I wrote about the Italian government, the Mafia, the Vatican, and other reliable sources of scandal.
Suddenly--too soon for my liking--I was turning thirty. My research, I realized, had become alarmingly similar to a career. To imagine a future in journalism, a trade that I had never loved, terrified me.
So, with a fluttery stomach, I handed in my resignation, exchanging a promising job for an improbable hope. I took my life savings and moved to Paris, where I knew not a soul and whose language I spoke only haltingly. Solitude was what I sought: a cozy apartment, a cup of tea, my laptop. I switched it on. One year later, I had a novel.
And it was terrible.
My plan – all those years in journalism--had been a blunder, it seemed. The writing I had aspired to do was beyond me. I lacked talent. And I was broke.
Dejected, I nursed myself with a little white wine, goat cheese and baguette, then took the subway to the International Herald Tribune on the outskirts of Paris to apply for a job. Weeks later, I was seated at the copy desk, composing headlines and photo captions, aching over my failure. I had bungled my twenties. I was abroad, lonely, stuck.
But after many dark months, I found myself imagining again. I strolled through Parisian streets, and characters strolled through my mind, sat themselves down, folded their arms before me, declaring, "So, do you have a story for me?"
I switched on my computer and tried once more.
This time, it was different. My previous attempt hadn't produced a book, but it had honed my technique. And I stopped fretting about whether I possessed the skill to become a writer, and focused instead on the hard work of writing. Before, I had winced at every flawed passage. Now, I toiled with my head down, rarely peeking at the words flowing across the screen.
I revised, I refined, I tweaked, I polished. Not until exhaustion--not until the novel that I had aspired to write was very nearly the one I had produced--did I allow myself to assess it.
To my amazement, a book emerged. I remain nearly incredulous that my plan, hatched over a decade ago, came together. At times, I walk to the bookshelf at my home in Italy, take down a copy of The Imperfectionists, double-check the name on the spine: Tom Rachman. Yes, I think that's me.
In the end, my travels included neither bullfights nor duels. And the book doesn't, either. Instead, it contains views over Paris, cocktails in Rome, street markets in Cairo; the ruckus of an old-style newsroom and the shuddering rise of technology; a foreign correspondent faking a news story, a media executive falling for the man she just fired. And did I mention a rather adorable if slobbery dog?
From Publishers Weekly
Starred Review. In his zinger of a debut, Rachman deftly applies his experience as foreign correspondent and editor to chart the goings-on at a scrappy English-language newspaper in Rome. Chapters read like exquisite short stories, turning out the intersecting lives of the men and women who produce the paper—and one woman who reads it religiously, if belatedly. In the opening chapter, aging, dissolute Paris correspondent Lloyd Burko pressures his estranged son to leak information from the French Foreign Ministry, and in the process unearths startling family fare that won't sell a single edition. Obit writer Arthur Gopal, whose overarching goal at the paper is indolence, encounters personal tragedy and, with it, unexpected career ambition. Late in the book, as the paper buckles, recently laid-off copyeditor Dave Belling seduces the CFO who fired him. Throughout, the founding publisher's progeny stagger under a heritage they don't understand. As the ragtag staff faces down the implications of the paper's tilt into oblivion, there are more than enough sublime moments, unexpected turns and sheer inky wretchedness to warrant putting this on the shelf next to other great newspaper novels. (Apr.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
See all Editorial Reviews
book recommendations
Tom Rachman on The Imperfectionists
I grew up in peaceful Vancouver with two psychologists for parents, a sister with whom I squabbled in the obligatory ways, and an adorably dim-witted spaniel whose leg waggled when I tickled his belly. Not the stuff of literature, it seemed to me.
During university, I had developed a passion for reading: essays by George Orwell, short stories by Isaac Bashevis Singer, novels by Tolstoy. By graduation, books had shoved aside all other contenders. A writer--perhaps I could become one of those.
There was a slight problem: my life to date.
By 22, I hadn't engaged in a bullfight. I'd not kept a mistress or been kept by one. I'd never been stabbed in a street brawl. I'd not been mistreated by my parents, or addicted to anything sordid. I'd never fought a duel to the death with anyone.
It was time to remedy this. Or parts of it, anyway. I would see the world, read, write, and pay my bills in the process. My plan was to join the press corps, to become a foreign correspondent, to emerge on the other side with handsome scars, mussed hair, and a novel.
Years passed. I worked as an editor at the Associated Press in New York, venturing briefly to South Asia to report on war (from a very safe distance; I was never brave). Next, I was dispatched to Rome, where I wrote about the Italian government, the Mafia, the Vatican, and other reliable sources of scandal.
Suddenly--too soon for my liking--I was turning thirty. My research, I realized, had become alarmingly similar to a career. To imagine a future in journalism, a trade that I had never loved, terrified me.
So, with a fluttery stomach, I handed in my resignation, exchanging a promising job for an improbable hope. I took my life savings and moved to Paris, where I knew not a soul and whose language I spoke only haltingly. Solitude was what I sought: a cozy apartment, a cup of tea, my laptop. I switched it on. One year later, I had a novel.
And it was terrible.
My plan – all those years in journalism--had been a blunder, it seemed. The writing I had aspired to do was beyond me. I lacked talent. And I was broke.
Dejected, I nursed myself with a little white wine, goat cheese and baguette, then took the subway to the International Herald Tribune on the outskirts of Paris to apply for a job. Weeks later, I was seated at the copy desk, composing headlines and photo captions, aching over my failure. I had bungled my twenties. I was abroad, lonely, stuck.
But after many dark months, I found myself imagining again. I strolled through Parisian streets, and characters strolled through my mind, sat themselves down, folded their arms before me, declaring, "So, do you have a story for me?"
I switched on my computer and tried once more.
This time, it was different. My previous attempt hadn't produced a book, but it had honed my technique. And I stopped fretting about whether I possessed the skill to become a writer, and focused instead on the hard work of writing. Before, I had winced at every flawed passage. Now, I toiled with my head down, rarely peeking at the words flowing across the screen.
I revised, I refined, I tweaked, I polished. Not until exhaustion--not until the novel that I had aspired to write was very nearly the one I had produced--did I allow myself to assess it.
To my amazement, a book emerged. I remain nearly incredulous that my plan, hatched over a decade ago, came together. At times, I walk to the bookshelf at my home in Italy, take down a copy of The Imperfectionists, double-check the name on the spine: Tom Rachman. Yes, I think that's me.
In the end, my travels included neither bullfights nor duels. And the book doesn't, either. Instead, it contains views over Paris, cocktails in Rome, street markets in Cairo; the ruckus of an old-style newsroom and the shuddering rise of technology; a foreign correspondent faking a news story, a media executive falling for the man she just fired. And did I mention a rather adorable if slobbery dog?
From Publishers Weekly
Starred Review. In his zinger of a debut, Rachman deftly applies his experience as foreign correspondent and editor to chart the goings-on at a scrappy English-language newspaper in Rome. Chapters read like exquisite short stories, turning out the intersecting lives of the men and women who produce the paper—and one woman who reads it religiously, if belatedly. In the opening chapter, aging, dissolute Paris correspondent Lloyd Burko pressures his estranged son to leak information from the French Foreign Ministry, and in the process unearths startling family fare that won't sell a single edition. Obit writer Arthur Gopal, whose overarching goal at the paper is indolence, encounters personal tragedy and, with it, unexpected career ambition. Late in the book, as the paper buckles, recently laid-off copyeditor Dave Belling seduces the CFO who fired him. Throughout, the founding publisher's progeny stagger under a heritage they don't understand. As the ragtag staff faces down the implications of the paper's tilt into oblivion, there are more than enough sublime moments, unexpected turns and sheer inky wretchedness to warrant putting this on the shelf next to other great newspaper novels. (Apr.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
See all Editorial Reviews
What's your advice for getting calm and relaxed before public speaking or an important meeting? One night when I was in Grad School I was nervously going over material for my first presentation on to my body language professor, He was the expert in my chosen field and I kept imagining myself messing up forgetting what I wanted to say and not being able to answer any of the professors question. My boy friend Michael came in my office. He realized I was a nervous wreck, He said, “Patti, you know in college I was sold books door to door in the summer and I was the top sales men for the company. When I started I imagined I was going to fail, I rehearsed my failure, that I wouldn’t know what to say or not be able to answer questions. But I learned from my boss to visualize my success. Michael sat me down and had me visualize my presentation. I rehearsed my successful speech from the start to finish, what I would do nonverbally how I would stand how brilliant I would sound, how the audience would smile and nod their heads, How brilliant I would be, how the professor would praise me and the audience would give round of applause. From that day on I have visualized my success the night before every single speech or TV interview. It makes an enormous difference in my confidence level. When I am traveling and giving a speech I like to see the banquet room the night before so I can see myself and the audience in the actual room, when I am going on TV I watch the show or ask the producer about the set were I will be sitting.
How do you deal with remote media interviews?
Another body language difficulty comes when you’re interviewed remotely and you are talking to a camera and forced to interact with it as if it was a person. That took me awhile to get used to and the bright lights in your eyes in those remote shoots will tend to make you blink. Prepare for those interviews as well so you can stay looking at the camera and smiling and nodding your head and leaning forward to it in response to the interviewer. Again just as if it was a person. Story about Wrigley gum, Story about Pup-peroni.
Another body language difficulty comes when you’re interviewed remotely and you are talking to a camera and forced to interact with it as if it was a person. That took me awhile to get used to and the bright lights in your eyes in those remote shoots will tend to make you blink. Prepare for those interviews as well so you can stay looking at the camera and smiling and nodding your head and leaning forward to it in response to the interviewer. Again just as if it was a person. Story about Wrigley gum, Story about Pup-peroni.
To help you be aware of your body language and insure you are in sync in a media interview?
Practice answering the questions out loud. Don’t just read them off your computer silently. Use you’re the video device on your computer or phone to record your answers so you see and hear your responses and can self monitor. In my experience most journalist and producers have very short deadlines, sometimes only 4 or 5 minute deadlines before they have to move on the cover the next story so you need to practice answering questions quickly for TV and Radio you need to practice giving not only quick clear responses but also one sentence rather than a paragraph response. That is the part that I find is difficult for my media coaching clients. They want to explain their answers or add on to them and in a live broadcast there is not time for that. So if you haven’t practiced giving short answers you can get flustered as most hosts want to keep the pace of the show going and will interrupt you or jump in with a pithy comment if your don’t give them a high energy quick response. So Practice responding to questions with one sentence and watch your mouth and eyes on the tape to make sure your expression and tone match the word message. Someone experts look to the host to for feedback that they have done a good job or make a face if they feel they didn’t give a great answer or if they are interrupted. You need to make sure your face stays still or shows interest in the conversation when you finish speaking. I can’t tell you how many times I see guests face scrunch up after they finish talking.
Practice answering the questions out loud. Don’t just read them off your computer silently. Use you’re the video device on your computer or phone to record your answers so you see and hear your responses and can self monitor. In my experience most journalist and producers have very short deadlines, sometimes only 4 or 5 minute deadlines before they have to move on the cover the next story so you need to practice answering questions quickly for TV and Radio you need to practice giving not only quick clear responses but also one sentence rather than a paragraph response. That is the part that I find is difficult for my media coaching clients. They want to explain their answers or add on to them and in a live broadcast there is not time for that. So if you haven’t practiced giving short answers you can get flustered as most hosts want to keep the pace of the show going and will interrupt you or jump in with a pithy comment if your don’t give them a high energy quick response. So Practice responding to questions with one sentence and watch your mouth and eyes on the tape to make sure your expression and tone match the word message. Someone experts look to the host to for feedback that they have done a good job or make a face if they feel they didn’t give a great answer or if they are interrupted. You need to make sure your face stays still or shows interest in the conversation when you finish speaking. I can’t tell you how many times I see guests face scrunch up after they finish talking.
How do you deal with stressful media interviews?
When I am working with my media coaching clients I help them prepare. You need to prepare answers for all the questions you can possibly be asked,
Make sure you also brainstorm all the questions you hope they won’t ask and prepare a response for those tough questions as well.
What kind of body language exudes confidence and approachability in an interview or meeting? Prepare. Find out if you are going to standing or sitting and if you’re sitting if you will be on a stool, chair or sofa. Ideally you want your body to be relaxed and open. You want to show your confidence by taking up space leaning backwards and forwards as the interview or meeting goes on rather than freezing or planting in one fixed pose.
When I am working with my media coaching clients I help them prepare. You need to prepare answers for all the questions you can possibly be asked,
Make sure you also brainstorm all the questions you hope they won’t ask and prepare a response for those tough questions as well.
What kind of body language exudes confidence and approachability in an interview or meeting? Prepare. Find out if you are going to standing or sitting and if you’re sitting if you will be on a stool, chair or sofa. Ideally you want your body to be relaxed and open. You want to show your confidence by taking up space leaning backwards and forwards as the interview or meeting goes on rather than freezing or planting in one fixed pose.
Thursday, August 05, 2010
The seventheenth century English teologian Jeremy Taylor is quoted in Love and Death,
'I am fallen into the hands of publicans and sequestrators, and they have taken all from me. what now:Le me look aobut me. They have left me the sun, moon, fire and water, a loving wife, and many freinds to pity me and some to relieve me."
'I am fallen into the hands of publicans and sequestrators, and they have taken all from me. what now:Le me look aobut me. They have left me the sun, moon, fire and water, a loving wife, and many freinds to pity me and some to relieve me."
Another quote that shows you what you can do when loved ones and freinds are dealing with loss, grief and death, >we know what we've lost. But other people can't face it. They can't talk about it. They're frightened." "They are frightened of us too." "as if we had some kind of disease that they might catch if they got too close."
When my father died two weeks before what was supposed to be my last semester of college I had friends that stopped talking to me, stopped calling, friends who would even walk to the other side of the street when they saw me walking towards them on campus, just to avoid me. They didn't know how to be with someone grieving, so they avoiding being with me. It was terribly painful. It was a hard earned lesson that just being with someone is grieving is a greatest gift you can give them. Just being in the pain with them. Not running, hiding or placating just being.
When my father died two weeks before what was supposed to be my last semester of college I had friends that stopped talking to me, stopped calling, friends who would even walk to the other side of the street when they saw me walking towards them on campus, just to avoid me. They didn't know how to be with someone grieving, so they avoiding being with me. It was terribly painful. It was a hard earned lesson that just being with someone is grieving is a greatest gift you can give them. Just being in the pain with them. Not running, hiding or placating just being.
A few weeks ago the mother of my friend Jim passed away. I have been searching for a book to give him. Something about grieving and loss and hope. Last night a friend read me a passage from a wonderful book on grief called Love & Death by Forrest Church.
Here is a quote
"My heart has broken again.. and for that I am overwhelmingly thankful; without love this would not be possible."
Here is a quote
"My heart has broken again.. and for that I am overwhelmingly thankful; without love this would not be possible."
Tuesday, August 03, 2010
Ever notice how what people say about others tells you a lot about them? Happy people talk about their wonderful friend's, how great everyone at work is and how nice the cashier at the bank was today. Angry and sad people talk about how their boss sucks and the co-worker is an idiot and the waiter incompetent. Just think of the telling interview question, "How did you get along with your last boss?" You know the interviewer is seeking information about your boss not about you. says more about you than it may about them. Here is research that shows what you already know.
Science News
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What You Say About Others Says a Lot About You, Research Shows
ScienceDaily (Aug. 2, 2010) — How positively you see others is linked to how happy, kind-hearted and emotionally stable you are, according to new research by a Wake Forest University psychology professor.
________________________________________
"Your perceptions of others reveal so much about your own personality," says Dustin Wood, assistant professor of psychology at Wake Forest and lead author of the study, about his findings. By asking study participants to each rate positive and negative characteristics of just three people, the researchers were able to find out important information about the rater's well-being, mental health, social attitudes and how they were judged by others.
The study appears in the July issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. Peter Harms at the University of Nebraska and Simine Vazire of Washington University in St. Louis co-authored the study.
The researchers found a person's tendency to describe others in positive terms is an important indicator of the positivity of the person's own personality traits. They discovered particularly strong associations between positively judging others and how enthusiastic, happy, kind-hearted, courteous, emotionally stable and capable the person describes oneself and is described by others.
"Seeing others positively reveals our own positive traits," Wood says.
The study also found that how positively you see other people shows how satisfied you are with your own life, and how much you are liked by others.
In contrast, negative perceptions of others are linked to higher levels of narcissism and antisocial behavior. "A huge suite of negative personality traits are associated with viewing others negatively," Wood says. "The simple tendency to see people negatively indicates a greater likelihood of depression and various personality disorders." Given that negative perceptions of others may underlie several personality disorders, finding techniques to get people to see others more positively could promote the cessation of behavior patterns associated with several different personality disorders simultaneously, Wood says.
This research suggests that when you ask someone to rate the personality of a particular coworker or acquaintance, you may learn as much about the rater providing the personality description as the person they are describing. The level of negativity the rater uses in describing the other person may indeed indicate that the other person has negative characteristics, but may also be a tip off that the rater is unhappy, disagreeable, neurotic -- or has other negative personality traits.
Raters in the study consisted of friends rating one another, college freshmen rating others they knew in their dormitories, and fraternity and sorority members rating others in their organization. In all samples, participants rated real people and the positivity of their ratings were found to be associated with the participant's own characteristics.
By evaluating the raters and how they evaluated their peers again one year later, Wood found compelling evidence that how positively we tend to perceive others in our social environment is a highly stable trait that does not change substantially over time.
Email or share this story:
Science News
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What You Say About Others Says a Lot About You, Research Shows
ScienceDaily (Aug. 2, 2010) — How positively you see others is linked to how happy, kind-hearted and emotionally stable you are, according to new research by a Wake Forest University psychology professor.
________________________________________
"Your perceptions of others reveal so much about your own personality," says Dustin Wood, assistant professor of psychology at Wake Forest and lead author of the study, about his findings. By asking study participants to each rate positive and negative characteristics of just three people, the researchers were able to find out important information about the rater's well-being, mental health, social attitudes and how they were judged by others.
The study appears in the July issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. Peter Harms at the University of Nebraska and Simine Vazire of Washington University in St. Louis co-authored the study.
The researchers found a person's tendency to describe others in positive terms is an important indicator of the positivity of the person's own personality traits. They discovered particularly strong associations between positively judging others and how enthusiastic, happy, kind-hearted, courteous, emotionally stable and capable the person describes oneself and is described by others.
"Seeing others positively reveals our own positive traits," Wood says.
The study also found that how positively you see other people shows how satisfied you are with your own life, and how much you are liked by others.
In contrast, negative perceptions of others are linked to higher levels of narcissism and antisocial behavior. "A huge suite of negative personality traits are associated with viewing others negatively," Wood says. "The simple tendency to see people negatively indicates a greater likelihood of depression and various personality disorders." Given that negative perceptions of others may underlie several personality disorders, finding techniques to get people to see others more positively could promote the cessation of behavior patterns associated with several different personality disorders simultaneously, Wood says.
This research suggests that when you ask someone to rate the personality of a particular coworker or acquaintance, you may learn as much about the rater providing the personality description as the person they are describing. The level of negativity the rater uses in describing the other person may indeed indicate that the other person has negative characteristics, but may also be a tip off that the rater is unhappy, disagreeable, neurotic -- or has other negative personality traits.
Raters in the study consisted of friends rating one another, college freshmen rating others they knew in their dormitories, and fraternity and sorority members rating others in their organization. In all samples, participants rated real people and the positivity of their ratings were found to be associated with the participant's own characteristics.
By evaluating the raters and how they evaluated their peers again one year later, Wood found compelling evidence that how positively we tend to perceive others in our social environment is a highly stable trait that does not change substantially over time.
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