Thursday, April 02, 2009

Here is a rough of story I wrote quite awhile ago to give in a speech, but realized I wasn't ready to share. I am thinking of working on it again.
Once upon a time I was living happily ever after. I wake up in a four bedroom house with a big fenced in backyard that my dog would play in. I eat grape nuts for breakfast and joke with my roommate about our latest crazy dream the night before, get in my car singing with all the songs on the radio and go to work. I had my own consulting comply and taught communication at Florida state one of my class nonverbal communication classes was incredibly popular with 150 students enrolled every semester. I lived in a small town where I couldn’t go shopping without running into someone I know and share hug. I dance down the corridors at school and the sidewalks of my town meet everyone with heartfelt smile. And I had the best, “Best Friend” in the world Roy who I incredibly close to. I was Polly reincarnated. It was nauseating. In the evenings I would work on my books our go to my nightly martial arts class with a group of friends that was like a my second family. I shared much of my time with a sweet and brilliant boyfriend. I was blessed with deep friend ships were I felt loved and could give my love freely. Snow white and Cinderella had nothing on me I was truly living happily ever after.

I went On a trip to see my best friend Roy in Atlanta. We met at freshman orientation. I looked across the room coming from this tall Nordic blonde guy and said to myself, ‘There is my life’s best friend. We were like brother and sister ever since. We were so close that friends called us twin.. We did everything together for years, we disco danced through the seventies, were housemates are senior year, fixed hundreds of awesome dinners together, shopped and traveled together, and always were excited to share the best thing that happened to us since we saw each other last. In face sometimes sharing something with Roy was the best part of a new event in my life Friends refereed to Roy as my twin. We were truly like twin souls. Roy and I, took a walk around Piedmont park. It was a beautiful spring day as we circled the lake and I was blissful breathing the fragrant flowered air. As we rounded the curve Roy brushed back his blonde hair and looked me and said. “Patti I’m dying.” I heard a scream echo across the lake. A loud gut wrenching scream crying no.! It took me a moment to realize the scream was mine.
In that moment everything in my life began to change. I knew with certainty I had to move to Atlanta to be with Roy.

Within a few days my boyfriend had broken up with me and I had told everyone I would be coming back next year to teach. Within a few months, I had sold almost everything in my house down to the bare walls took the cash left my house my friends my speaking business. I took a job as at temp receptionist and went from my past 600 dollar a day speaking to making six dollars and fifty cents. instead of the love respect and admiration I was use to people treated me the receptionist like a servant. there was no place to go. I lived in small apartment and slept on the floor of my closet on a borrowed mattress. I had no energy to do martial arts or writing. I was alone in city filled with strangers. I would visit Roy in the hospital and sit on the edge of his bed and hold hands with him. And though Roy and I would laugh as we always did. We would make jokes about his new diet plan when he had a drip and could no longer eat. We would tease about cook kooties when hospital staff tried not to touch him. But over the year I saw him go from a 6.2 strapping blonde to a emaciated 90 pounds I could carry. I would come each night get in the shower and weep uncontrollably after I watched him lose his ability to; walk to see to eat and finally his ability to breathe. I yet I still lived.
I yet I still lived I still woke up in the morning and had grapenuts for breakfast still continued the journey though it was no longer into the sunset but instead through the abysses.. I had no house to ride no sword at my side amour to protect me. All that I had used to define my self was gone I wasn’t a teacher a writer a successful speaker a girlfriend a talented martial artists. I was no longer the happy smiling patti who sang and danced through the day. I was laid bare, and naked to the world , I was reborn.

We have all suffered . Everyone in this room had loss and suffering in their life. It's through that loss of self, the suffering ,the journey through fire that we are made stronger. That we learn to value love.

No comments: